you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
