their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
