im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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