The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
