Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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