so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
