so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
