he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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