I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
