I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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