afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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