dude i'm inner monologue high
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
