if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the condom got lost in my hair
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
