So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
