I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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