Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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