This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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