I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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