remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
