The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
