is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
