I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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