Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
