White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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