I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
