How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
