Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
