he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
