Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
