Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
