glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
