Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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