Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
