Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
