you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
