Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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