So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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