M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
