They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I still have a little drunk in my system
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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