I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
