At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
