If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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