Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A bitchslap is in order.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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