I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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