Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
