yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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