I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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