I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
