My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
