I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
