she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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