living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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