Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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