mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They should really pass out barf bags in church
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
