i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
