If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
