respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
