I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
