apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
