We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
