dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
