she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
