i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
