it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
