Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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