Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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