Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
