We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
