she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
